


Love Each Other

by singingtomysoul



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-26
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:08:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singingtomysoul/pseuds/singingtomysoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>GOB needs advice on this whole "feelings" thing before he can see Tony Wonder again. So naturally he turns to the least qualified people possible: his family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Phileo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael explains the feeling called 'friendship.' Contrary to the omniscient narration, it doesn't actually help that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: GOB Bluth/Tony Wonder  
> Series: Arrested Development  
> Rating: PG-13 for now  
> Warnings: Spoilers for S4-that-I-haven’t-even-seen-all-of. Bluths being Bluths.

“Gobie! It’s Tony! We still on for our sex date tonight?”

When Tony Wonder left the message on his phone, freshly roofied and confirming a date for sex that already happened, GOB figured he had three choices.

He could never call back, pretend he never received the message and stand Tony up for real. The original - well, second-original plan was to break his heart anyway, and maybe he couldn’t do that completely, not if Tony was straight. But clearly something was happening, something confusing but weirdly compelling, and he could throw it away and leave Tony hurt and wond- _pondering_ what happened.

He could go, masks in hand, and find some way to choreograph another sabotage. With what’s-her-name out of the way, there was nothing stopping him from finding someone a little less bitter and self-serving who could help him enact his bitter, self-serving revenge scheme. The fact that he knew absolutely no one willing to help him was only a small obstacle.

Or he could call back, say they were still on, and figure it out as he went. Keep it from his mother, from the press. Chase whatever feeling was keeping that first night a pleasant memory, one he wasn’t completely upset about not forgetting.

Being honest with Tony, of course, was never an option.

—-

“Michael! Glad I caught you!”

“GOB? Liiittle busy right now. May have just destroyed my relationship with my son.”

Even over the phone Michael sounded tired, hurt, maybe still even a little addled from the Forget-Me-Now. All in all, like GOB was the last person he’d ever want to talk to. Fortunately, GOB was used to that.

“Yeah, great, so - I’m kind of in the mood for lunch, I’m thinking pizza?”

Michael sighed.

Later, over a cheese pie Michael would reluctantly pay for, GOB tap-danced and misdirected over every possible topic except Tony Wonder. He felt just a little bit gratified that Michael was trying not to zone out. Maybe it was out of a belated sense of guilt, or duty. Maybe Michael could just tell that whatever it was, GOB had messed up, and he was dying to feel like someone else had. Either way, only one person had ever really paid unconditional attention to him, and GOB was desperately avoiding him. So conditional was nice, for now.

“Look, GOB, I’ve got a meeting, so if you can just get to the point?”

GOB took a slow, shaky breath. “I’ve been having these…feelings.”

“Okay. You say ‘feelings’ like you mean ‘venereal disease’, so this should be interesting.”

Of course, GOB wasn’t about to just deliver the story, rendering his last Forget-Me-Now useless and giving Michael, of all people, something to hold over him. So the details were sparse, the pronouns carefully gender-neutral, and the story free of any sex whatsoever. Sharing secrets. Color-Me-Mine. How they both had a younger brother who pissed them off, which Michael ignored with the purse-lipped disapproval that made GOB complain about him in the first place.

There was a pause when he finished, like Michael wan’t sure what the actual question he needed to answer was. “Well, she sounds like a very sweet adolescent girl. But I don’t know if we need two sex offenders in the family just now.”

GOB rolled his eyes theatrically. “God, I knew you’d never understand. I mean, it’s _sick_ , right? _Trusting_ someone, wanting to _see_ them all the time.”

“Nope. I think you maybe just, I don’t know. Made a friend?” Michael eyed him suspiciously. 

“Friend.” GOB tried the word out on his tongue. Even when he’d said it the other day, almost unwittingly, it felt strange - more foreign than words like ‘revenge sex’ or ‘homo much’. “You mean that thing other people have?”

“That thing where you spend time with someone, trust them with your problems? Yeah.” Michael checked his watch before standing to go pay at the counter. 

“Like a prostitute?”

Michael sighed, and leaned in close for what GOB knew, to his chagrin, was going to be the last word. “Look, any relationship you’ve got - I mean your girlfriend, your wife, your…son, or brother, whatever, unless you like to be with them? And feel close to them, want to do things for them, even if it’s not all the time - without that, it doesn’t get very far. You pretty much end up alone.”

GOB squinted in confusion, brow furrowing, as he tried to process this. “That’s not just a thing Oprah made up to sell magazines?”

“Use protection, GOB.” Michael patted his hand, half-sympathetic, before leaving a twenty on the table and walking out the door.

—-

Bolstered by the possibility that what he felt for Tony Wonder was 100% not gay, just something that women in sappy movies and people like Michael felt, GOB confirmed the date and set up early: bottles of Mike’s, trail mix, comfortable blankets. He still wore the robe, for some reason, because the room felt warm and too-small if he sat around fully clothed. Besides, this was still supposedly a _sex_ date, and GOB didn’t want to be… Rude? Disappointing? 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he did remember that Tony Wonder was straight - had _lied_ to him, even though he’d lied first, or did Tony’s act make him the original offender? But Tony didn’t know that he knew that, just like he didn’t know that he’d ever learned GOB wasn’t gay either. And after enough back-and-forth in his head, GOB honestly wasn’t sure if the sex was something either of them would be trying to avoid or not. Especially because it had kind of happened already, and oh God, what if it happened again and they both remembered this time? And had to _talk_ about it?

“God, I wonder how I’m going to get out of this.”

“Did somebody say _Won_ \- ah! Jesus, fuck!”

Arriving early on his usual quest for something to jump out of, Tony had found a perfect spot under the couch just before GOB had pushed a table close by. Before either of them knew exactly what was happening, Tony was sprawled on the floor, clutching an aching wrist. 

Wrist. _Hands._ GOB sprang to his feet. 

“Are you okay? Do you think it’s-“

“No, thank God, just _stings._ ” Tony’s pain face was surprisingly cute, GOB would remember later, but in the moment he was mainly scrambling for ice. 

“I swear, I didn’t know -“

“Don’t worry about it.” Tony took the makeshift compress and pressed it to his wrist with a groan. “Used to happen all the time. I really need to check the area before I jump out leading with jazz hands.”

“Used to?” GOB carefully sat down beside him, eyes inspecting the injured wrist - which seemed a bit red, but thankfully nothing else. Even that may have just been the ice.

“I thought I’d gotten better about it. Think I’m just nervous.”

GOB exhaled in a rush of relief. “Same! I mean, not like I haven’t had gay - normal - _guy_ sex before.”

“Same, tons of times!”

“S-same! But never with…I mean, this is different.” GOB wet his lips, swallowing around the dryness in his throat. “Because I’m…feelings. I’m feelings with you.”

“Same,” Tony started to say, but the ice had started to leak out of the paper towel, and with the cold it became more of a hiss.

“Let me rewrap that for you.”

The sting didn’t take much longer to fade, but by then the mood was gone. (GOB briefly realized that there had been a mood to lose in the first place, but tried to put it out of his mind immediately.) It was nice like this, though. Comfortable. They sipped hard lemonades and snarked at the bad infomercials on TV, and Tony let GOB have all the M&Ms out of the trail mix.

Tony had this crappy movie with him, a filmed staging of a musical with magician, and GOB had teased and “c’mon”-ed until he understood why Tony had been reluctant to put it on. He had this habit of mouthing all the words.

“You’d look good up there,” GOB said, in an unexpected moment of intuition.

“Hope so. I’d have to draw the right crowd,” Tony considered, swallowing another mouthful of lemonade. (GOB watched his throat move, trying not to be curious about something that, he reminded himself, had already happened.) “And I’d need money. A lot of it.”

“Money.” GOB huffed a laugh. “Same. Let me know where you find some.”

Tony turned towards him, and GOB noticed when he was looking at something, really _looking_ , his eyes had a brightness that could have only added to his charisma on stage. “But isn’t your boyfriend loaded?”

“My-” It took GOB a second to remember. “What, you mean Geo- No, no. He’s some dumb kid, he just…believe me, I was doing him a favor. He wanted to, you know, really show off on the gay scene, so he asked me to take him out and talked this big game. I can’t even put up with him. I took his number out of my phone and everything.”

Tony winced for a second, and GOB wondered if his wrist was still hurting, or if maybe all the lies on top of each other were making GOB come across as too desperate.

And then when his face settled again, Tony was still looking at GOB. Studying him, like he was trying to figure something out. 

And it reminded him of the night before, of how -

_\- his hand paused on GOB’s chest after only a minute of ineffective pecking at each other’s rubber masks. How he’d murmured something, then touched again, swearing as he unpuzzled things. They’d just sat together, not moving, breath coming in shaky puffs of air, until suddenly a pair of lips were on GOB’s neck -_

And they were warm. Clumsy, but not in that half-assed way where you didn’t really care about who you were kissing. In that way where you felt scared and teenaged, like you had no clue what you were doing, but you just liked someone, you liked them a lot. And it didn’t matter how, because it made you feel this thing inside that was warm, and solid, and you didn’t want to go home.

Tony pulled away, slow like he was still trying to solve something. Or remember it. And then his eyes opened again, and they looked terrified.

GOB hurriedly tried to think of if he’d kissed back. “I’m sorry, you just surprised me. But-“

Tony shook his head, stopping the DVD but leaving it where it was, gathering up his things. “It’s fine. It’s not your - it’s fine -“

“You’re mad,” GOB guessed in frustration. “You’re - disappointed, with me.” 

Or had he remembered -

“No, I’m not.” 

GOB had listened to people deny that before - his parents, or his brother, his ill-fated strings of relationships. He believed Tony now, though, because he knew that look. He’d probably worn that look himself, last night, maybe a few dozen times since.

“I’m just…feelings-” Tony stammered. And then, “I’ll call you.” 

And then he was out the door.

—-

_Good morning, Gohb. You have three new messages._

[beep]

“Heyyy, GOB, it’s me. Yeah, so I’m sorry that whatever you thought my advice was, you decided it was ‘a load of bullshit’, but I’m kind of going through a tough time right now. So maybe if you can not leave drunken messages on my phone at three in the mor-“

_Message deleted. Next message._

[beep]

“GOB, it’s your mother. What is this Michael is telling me about you running around with possibly under-aged girls? God knows that with Buster in jail, and those Hollywood vultures sniffing at our door, we can’t afford another scandal, so you had better-”

_Message deleted. Next message._

[beep]

“GOB! It’s Tony! Man, did we get plastered at Cinco or something? I feel like I’ve lost two days. 

So, are we still on for our sex date tonight?”


	2. Eros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lindsay isn’t helpful either. But at least GOB’s getting a better idea of what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: GOB Bluth/Tony Wonder  
> Series: Arrested Development  
> Rating: NC-17  
> Warnings: Spoilers for S4. References to dubcon situations. Consensual mind altering/memory loss. Bluths.

The pretense was that GOB still had Tony's "The Magic Show" DVD. He wasn't sure how to return something to a person who was never supposed to have been at his place to leave it there in the first place. 

He also wasn't sure why he was asking Lindsay about that, except that what he really wanted to know was about this "love" crap and Michael was completely useless lately. It actually _had_ occurred to him that he couldn't get solid advice until he told someone what was actually going on. But he'd figure that out later. No way he was going to deal with his family's reactions, too.

"Just slip it into her purse when her back is turned," Lindsay said, rolling her eyes. She was stapling some kind of campaign thing together, and nursing a martini, and he could tell she was only half-listening. "Or pretend it's your copy - you're the magician here, right?"

"Yeah, but." He laughed half-heartedly. "That'd seem kind of gay, wouldn't it?"

"Maybe she won't notice. I mean, look at my life."

She let that one hang in the air for a moment, probably baiting for reassurance that her failed marriage - and the subsequent failed attempts to recover from it - weren't a sham. GOB didn't take the bait.

Staple. Staple. Sip.

"How did it happen with Tobias, anyway? I mean," GOB chuckled, enjoying the feeling that his half-amnesiac is-it-even-love life still seemed more stable than hers. "Before it turned into a chain of disasters."

"Nice, GOB." It did make Lindsay look up to glare at him. Then her face softened in memory. 

"Look, usually everything starts out great. It feels new, and hopeful, and they make you feel special. You don't know about their awful in-laws, or their creepy bathroom habits." She shuddered. "You know they make you feel good. And some sadistic part of you wants to know more about them. So you keep learning, until you figure out that they were messed up from the beginning, and then you need to learn how to get out of dealing with their weirdness all the time."

Staple. Sip. Lindsay drained the glass.

"What if you want to?"

She frowned. "Want to what?"

"Deal with them. Find out their weird stuff." 

GOB had watched the musical once through, after Tony left that night. It was basically crap - magician falls for the wrong girl, then the right one. It seemed like a series of blatant excuses for Doug Henning to perform a lot of crappy magic, with bad 70's hair. If Tony was genuinely into helming a movie of this, he probably should have checked his sexuality a long time ago.

He found himself caring anyway, because Tony cared, found himself imagining Tony Wonder saying the lines he'd been mouthing. Imagined himself watching from the audience, not feeling jealous at all, even though if it were any other magician headlining the crappiest, gayest musical ever he'd have been jealous as hell.

"Why would you want to do that?"

GOB shrugged. "I don't know, an audience full of fairies is still-"

"What?"

Quickly, he realized. "Oh! Oh, about the weird stuff." And he shrugged again, because he'd honestly never thought something like that before, much less worried about _why_. "What if...their weird stuff is a lot like your weird stuff?"

Lindsay was looking at him like he was a stranger, and her face was soft, maybe even kind. "You really like this girl, don't you?"

"No!" GOB protested on instinct. "I mean -! Who said he's - She's - ...Shut up!"

She laughed, and went to pour herself another drink.

\---

He wasn't sure if it was easier or harder this time. Being mad at Tony meant he could focus on the revenge thing, and they were never supposed to have sex that night anyway. Thinking the physical part was just this weird fluke they'd made up the first time, he could focus on planning a grownup slumber party and avoiding who was and wasn't gay until they'd found their senses.

Tonight, sex wasn't a question. It was an expectation. The track record pretty much spoke for itself, and besides, even that kiss the night before had left GOB feeling a little eager with no payoff. That got rid of a half-dozen questions, raised a few more that he very firmly ignored, and now he just had to focus on being relaxed about it. So he liked someone's company, and for their supposed lack of experience that someone gave pretty good head. For GOB, that was a Saturday. No big.

He made sure to keep the door in his line of sight, so when Tony snuck in to find a strategic hiding spot, he was already there with a glass of wine and a smile that he knew was just slightly pathetic.

The idea was that they'd have a glass or two, just to relax. Maybe they'd get to talking, and GOB would say whatever it was he'd said that had made Tony kiss him the night before. (Was it how GOB didn't actually have a boyfriend? That was sort of noble of him, even though they'd never really cared before.) Maybe their legs would accidentally brush, and Tony would have that crooked grin that looked shy and delighted all at the same time, and then GOB would say "What the hell, let's go for it-"

What really happened was that about two minutes into the conversation, a distracted GOB managed to spill wine down his front, red and sticky across both the robe and his chest. 

He swore and grabbed for the napkins - dumb, dumb GOB, _dumb_ \- but then Tony Wonder got to them first, helping to mop up the spill like he wasn't even thinking about it, like no one had just looked like a complete idiot on a sex date. And he guessed Tony really hadn't been thinking about it, because then he seemed surprised to have his fingers splayed across GOB's chest. And he was giving GOB that look again, and was the room getting warmer?

Just when he thought he was cursed, suddenly life threw him the weirdest boners. (Bones? Threw him bones? Was it bones or boners? It was getting sort of hard to think with-)

_\- Tony's hands on his chest. Just sitting there, feeling him over the robe, and then inside it, and GOB wasn't sure how Ann was going to pretend to be a guy in the original scheme anyway. She was shorter and softer than either of them, and even if she wasn't much to look at she had a couple things they didn't. And now there were long, dexterous fingers - magician's fingers - touching GOB where those things should be but weren't._

_He heard something fall to the floor, and he guessed what it was pretty quickly, because the lips on his neck weren't plastic. They were warm, and moving, up to the curve of his jaw where the hint of stubble was. Down to his shoulder blade, a soft, wet tongue flicking gently at the skin, and he knew Tony was seeing if men tasted different._

_("Aren't you just a little curious?" The hell had he been kidding. What's-her-name had the charm of human wallpaper, but even if Tony were a complete stranger to her, she'd have no reason to care. It wasn't Ann who had anything to be curious about.)_

_"Jesus, Tony," he rasped, because he'd just realized there was a knee pushing between his legs, spreading his thighs. And that's when GOB knew they weren't going to stop, because he knew different kinds of sex. He knew the kind you had because you wondered if she was a natural redhead, and the kind you had when you were bored. He knew the kind you had when you didn't really want to, but you were looking for something, money or connections, or just attention._

_GOB knew the voice he'd just had, when he said Tony's name out loud, and it meant the kind of sex where you needed to know what the inside of their mouth tasted like. And he'd either removed the mask or had it taken off him since a while ago -_

So GOB kissed him, in order to find out.

"Jesus, GOB." It was only a split second before Tony kissed back, and maybe it was some latent memory from yesterday, or the day before, but no one stopped first to figure out that they wanted it. GOB kissed him sloppy and open-mouthed, sucking his tongue (not biting it, because that shit hurt, who the hell even _liked_ that?). And then he remembered something he hadn't done the first time, and the kissing moved down, mouthing over Tony's throat, as he opened the fly of his rival's jeans.

By the time he was kissing over Tony's stomach, GOB heard himself murmur, "Is this okay?" He couldn't remember ever asking that before. Not that he was some sick asshole who got off on not knowing; even he had standards. But he'd never thought about it enough to question before. Someone else's pleasure. Their comfort.

"Yeah," Tony gasped out, nodding fast like he was trying not to lose his nerve. And then in a moment of boldness, he added: "I kind of like it over my balls too."

GOB felt like that should have grossed him out. It didn't. Tony tasted heady and strong, and GOB felt himself grow even harder inside the robe, knowing Tony would work him over later with those skilled fingers or even the heat of his own mouth. He mouthed over the other man’s balls, sucking long and slow, and then he did it again, just because he liked how Tony groaned his name.

And that's how GOB found that the man he'd meant to destroy was so much more satisfying when GOB made him come apart.

\---

They must have dozed a little, or maybe just GOB did, because when he woke up all sticky and half-tangled in his robe, Tony was already awake, getting a glass of water.

"Hey." He hated how his voice came out, shaky and dumb, a little rough from the blowjob. 

"Hey yourself." Tony passed him the glass and GOB took a long gulp from it, surprised it had been for him. He thought he saw Tony staring at how his throat moved, which - even through the nerves - was extremely gratifying.

It took him a moment to spot the pill in the other man's hand.

"Hey, pass me one of those? I'm out."

Something like guilt passed over Tony's face. "Sure! Yeah, I would have offered, but you know. These things are like, a crapload of money."

"Right? Robbery. Should be ashamed of themselves." GOB took the Forget-Me-Now, passing it from finger to finger. "Aren't these kind of dangerous, right before driving? Or were you going to-"

"Oh, no, it's fine!" Tony's smile relaxed, seemed a little stronger, as they hit more familiar ground. "Extended Release. Easier on the stomach."

"Wait, seriously? Little shits have been holding out on me!" 

Tony laughed. "Less headaches after you pass out, too. Next time I cross the border I'll hook you up."

The 'next time' hovered there for a moment, and neither of them took it back. GOB suspected there was something wrong with this whole scene, but he wasn't really sure what it was. 

"Anyway," Tony added after a moment of silence, "you were amazing."

"Psh, of course I was. I've totally done this with like a _million_ guys. And you were..." GOB just looked at him, because 'amazing' didn't seem like the right word, but thinking about a more accurate one made him want to gulp down the pill then and there.

"Hey, Gobie?"

"Yeah?" GOB looked at Tony, heart going fast in a way he didn't really understand. He was only fort-... well, anyway, it was too early to worry about getting a physical.

"Have you ever seen that movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'?"

"Kind of." GOB frowned in confusion. "I mean, I fell asleep, like, twenty minutes in."

"Same! So boring!"

"God, why is Jim Carrey never funny anymore?"

"Right? And that 'Burt Wonderstone' thing? Completely disrespectful."

" _So_ disrespectful," GOB agreed, "You should sue for libel!"

"The whole Alliance should," Tony enthused. "Complete hack job. ...Anyway, I forget why I asked."

They swallowed the Forget-Me-Nows at the same time, still staring at each other as they gulped down their glasses of water. Then Tony leaned in and kissed him. GOB tasted come mixed with the acrid tang of the pill, and something that was similar to morning breath but for some reason didn’t bother him.

"It's not you," Tony said when he pulled away. "I'm not ashamed of y-"

"Of course not. Me neither." GOB understood. That's not the kind of shame it was.

"I'll call you."

"I know."

GOB watched him pull out of the driveway and go, just in case the pill did kick in too early. Like a spotting partner, he decided. 

When 'The Sound of Silence' started to kick in, he pulled away from the window. The DVD was still in the player, and he played the stupid song about the lion tamer three times in a row until it was stuck in his head instead. Then he went upstairs to shower before the Forget-Me-Now took effect.

\---

_Good afternoon, Gohb. You have three new messages._

[beep]

"GOB, it's your mother. I don't appreciate being ignored, GOB, especially when you haven't even shown up at the office yet. I expect you in a suit tomorrow, and no more of that staring into space you've been doing latel-"

_Message deleted. Next message._

[beep]

"And another thing, what's this I hear about you not even visiting Buster in prison? Of course _I'm_ not speaking to him, but you could at least _pretend_ to be the face of this family-"

_Message deleted. Next message._

[beep]

“Gobie! It’s me! Hey, I think I must be losing it, because I keep thinking we had sex plans. Right? Did we rain check or something? 

"Anyway, I’ve been thinking about you all day, and … what the hell, let’s go for it. I really want to see you. Tonight. Call me?”


	3. Storge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GOB can't screw things up again. This time someone trusts he won't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: GOB Bluth/Tony Wonder  
> Series: Arrested Development  
> Rating: R with shades of porn  
> Warnings: Consensual memory altering/drugging. Bisexual erasure. Bluths.

GOB had woke up in a Forget-Me-Now haze enough times to know what that felt like. Splitting headache you could pretend was a hangover. (Not as bad this time, why was that?) Limbs heavy like they were filled with sand. The last eight or so hours a complete blank, to the point that if you didn't glance at the clock you might think it was still yesterday. 

His robe was sticky, and there was a half-opened bottle of wine. And when he swallowed, there was the taste of something heady and his throat felt scratchy - that meant Tony. That or he'd picked up some kind of weird herpes again. Did he just want it to mean Tony? Which honestly defeated the purpose of taking a Forget-Me-Now, so why was he thinking about it?

GOB checked his messages, erased the first two and lingered over the third. The weird flutter in his stomach - Tony wanted to see him again! - matched odds with the fact that Tony had probably drugged up again too, and crap, maybe something had gone wrong. Maybe he'd found out GOB wasn't gay, or about the plan to destroy him, or the two other plans after that. Maybe he just hadn't wanted to deal with the whole thing, with all the baggage that came with -

No, he wasn't about to spiral down that road again. Why try to deal with something you'd flat-out decided to ignore?

His phone buzzed, then sparked up the beat of "Getaway", and GOB dove for it so quickly he nearly tripped over the bed. 'The Sea Ward.' He rolled his eyes and let it go to voicemail, still not sorry he'd changed his mother's listing a few days ago in a fit of pique.

Speaking of things you'd rather ignore. GOB had forgotten that being in charge of something could be such a pain in the ass. 

\---

Normally, he would have welcomed the opportunity to show up anywhere looking like he ran the place, much less the Bluth offices. But there really wasn't anyone to lord it over - Michael and Lindsay were both doing their own stupid things, God knew where his father was anymore. And Buster, well, if GOB hadn't heard Buster was in jail he'd have assumed he was taking a nap or something.

"No, Mom," GOB heard as he rounded the corner, Michael's voice tinny through the speakerphone. "I didn't say it _was_ a teenaged girl, I said it _sounded_ like a teenaged girl. Because GOB has the emotional development of -"

"I'll call you back." Lucille clicked off hurriedly, turning to face GOB with a plastered-on motherly smile. "GOB! It's been days, everyone's been so _worried._ " 

GOB matched her faux for faux, already feeling glassy-eyed with boredom. "Oh, I've been fine. I'm, ah, I've been kind of tying up loose ends on my personal life. You know, if I'm going to be handling the company now."

"That's...considerate of you." Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Lovely suit."

"Well thanks, Mom-"

"You had to spring for the cheapest one you owned?"

 _If I'm gay,_ GOB thought, _if I am even kind of, sort of, slightly gay, it is all your fault._ "You know, I actually didn't put a lot of thought into it. Been busy."

"You'd said."

"Preeetty active social life," he trilled.

Lucille rolled her eyes. "Michael and Lindsay say you've mostly been camping in their living rooms, mooning around like an idiot."

"Of course they have!" GOB laughed with the kind of tone that suggested future homicide. "What's privacy, right?" 

"It's not privacy if you have dishy, Sex-in-the-City luncheons with half the family." Either GOB was hallucinating, or she sounded a little offended that she hadn't been included. "Who is she, GOB?"

"First of all, that's offensive. And oh, darn! Can't tell you!" He snapped his fingers, flashing an aw-shucks smile. "Kind of a celebrity. So I should really keep things separate."

GOB slid behind the big, official desk that was supposedly his again. He crossed his legs, sprawled out, trying to command the space. (Was that too swishy? The leg-crossing? He always imagined it made him seem confident, but he had better look into that.) He was ignoring his mother's withering look. Ig-nor-ing. Wasn't even seeing it.

"Well, don't get used to that." Lucille settled into an office chair, sipping from a martini glass that seemed to appear from nowhere. "Whoever she is, she'll attract attention? End it."

"Oh, c'mon!" GOB felt his voice go up in a whine. Why did he always feel more in charge when the family just ignored him for months, or years? "Nobody even knows. We're really quiet about it, and we, uhm...clean up after ourselves, so -"

Lucille sighed, pressing her fingers to her temples. "GOB. This is our chance, _finally_ , to get things back on track. You said you would do this, and frankly we don't have a choice, so I can't afford to have you turn up - oh, I don't know." She waved a hand dismissively. "Somewhere in Denmark trying to undo a sex change."

"Hah, joke's on you. I don't really even know where Denmark is."

"Very reassuring." She met his eyes, and GOB flinched for a second, startled, as he realized he had his mother's undivided attention. Things didn't get more terrifying than that. "You can't blame your father and I forever, GOB. You say you want to be taken seriously, now you can prove it. You fail, that's your own fault. No one else's. So for once, don't screw things up."

GOB lowered his eyes as he felt the familiar anger coil up in him, small and hot. All fired up with nowhere to go but deeper inside. "Well, fine. It's... It's probably over, anyway."

"Why?" Lucille frowned, leaning forward intently. "What's wrong with her?"

"What's - with _her_?" GOB blinked, processing this. "Nothing, h- _she_ just keeps, you know... Denying she's with me." It was the easiest way to sum it up. "Maybe she thinks it's not good to be seen. With me. So she comes around but, I don't know, we never really talk about it. Keeps things less complicated. Why do I keep _telling_ everyone about this?"

He knew, as he said it, that he wasn't explaining it quite right. Sometimes a Forget-Me-Now was just a thing you did, like lying about your age or pretending to listen when someone else was talking. Something that was easier to do than let a weird situation sit there, all actually _happening_ and collecting little bits of feelings-dust. 

"Well, she's clearly an idiot."

GOB squinted, like she'd asked a question he wasn't quite understanding.

"You're handsome, you're charming. And if you've inherited anything from George, well, you should be - " His mother made a gesture that suggested she was a little tipsy and inappropriate, and also that made GOB scream internally for three straight minutes. "What's to deny about you? Anyway, what do you want with that? Get rid of her. I already don't like her."

"Well, that's -" He opened his mouth and shut it again, unable to find words for a moment. "Thanks, Mom. I mean, never, _ever_ talk about you and Dad again, unless you could maybe kill me after, but that means a-"

"Insults my children, who does she think she is? Anyway, enough of that. I've outlined a strategy for the next financial quarter, so of course _you're_ going to be presenting it to what board members we have left..."

\---

Tony had brought flowers. Not the real kind, which would have meant money. It was one of those trick silk bouquets, pulled from Tony's sleeve with a charm that made GOB grin and applaud, even though he'd done that one for an audience a few dozen times. (At least half of them successfully.)

That made him feel flattered, desired, which was probably the best thing anyone could do for him. It also made him suspicious, because he knew when _he_ pulled out the magic on a date, it was to distract from something else. 

"What is it?" Tony was beaming, though, looking at GOB like he was the only thing on the planet. 

"You've just never done that bef-"

"Hmm?"

"Uhm. Nothing." 

Every time they did this things seemed to be a little more sure. No masked fumbling in the dark, no kissing and bolting like stupid kids. GOB's mind had no idea what was going on, but from the excited flips it was doing apparently his stomach had some ideas. 

So did wherever Tony kept his feelings and/or sex drive, because they'd barely even sat down on the couch before that mouth was on his. It had only been a few days of this back-and-forth, but he smelled and tasted so familiar. Twin soul patches scratching against his chin as Tony kissed him hungry and rough. A hand in GOB's hair, tugging a little, before he was pressed against the couch and those hips were grinding slow against him.

"Woah." GOB's voice went gravelly and low, and he quickly reminded himself that the important thing was he _liked_ Tony all on top like this. He could worry about if it made him a freak later. 

"Mhh, is this okay?" Hands were on GOB's hips, making little circles with the thumbs, just slightly rough. 

"Yeah." GOB sighed into another kiss, and something seemed weird about all this, but he couldn't really think about it. He felt dizzy, in the good way, and he wrapped his arms around Tony to tug him forward because like hell he was going to just lay there. "I thought we were taking it slow," he said, except Tony was squeezing his thigh, so the end sounded all breathless and distracted.

"Mh, yeah? When did we say that?" Tony groaned with approval as GOB's hands found his ass.

"God, I don't know, few...weeks? Ago?" He squeezed, enjoying the sound he got in response. "When we set the date for-"

"Cinco."

"For Cinco," GOB agreed, and then something about how Tony said it made him pause. "Uhm." He wet his lips nervously, before moving in for a kiss that he hoped was equally distracting to the both of them.

Tony kissed back, but something in his eyes was all intense in that way that made GOB shiver. "We need to talk. Later." The words came out foreign-sounding, like part of Tony still wasn't sure why he'd want to do that.

GOB nodded, feeling his heart beat faster. And maybe the slight pang of guilt was turning into a weird sex thing. Because he was pretty sure he'd never felt secret desire for a guy to top the shit out of him, but that's exactly what wound up happening.

 

_Apparently, when two men with very little experience and too much ego to admit it decided to just go with it and have sex with each other, the end result was lube on the headboard. Sheets were strewn in weird places across the room (was the pillowcase on the ceiling fan?), and a series of mysterious bite marks now rendered one of the masks unusable._

_Tony was still half on top of him, awake but sleepy, and GOB's fingers played with his hair as they felt themselves settle down into something comfortable. There was a minute or two of silence - not uncomfortable, not even freaked out really, just steady breathing as they absorbed what this meant._

_Then GOB chuckled, still a little bit stunned. "That little..."_

_"Mmm?"_

_"Never thought she had it in her."_

_"Her?" Tony thought for a second, and then he laughed. "Oh, Plant."_

_"Hair, right. Man, I'd think it was kind of hot if I wasn't so incredibly into dudes."_

_"Mmm, are we still saying that?" Tony propped himself up on one elbow, though he kept his fingers stroking lightly over GOB's chest._

_"Are we-? Oh!" GOB winced. "Uhm, I don't know, I thought you were still saying it."_

_"Eh, it's fine. I don't really care if we're gay anymore." Tony shrugged, dismissive. "You know, I was talking to some guys, and they were saying there's actually this thing where you can be gay and straight at the same time?"_

_"What, like you're into both?" There was a long pause as GOB processed what could be life-changing information. "...Well that's clearly bullshit."_

_"That's what I said!" Tony nudged him, laughing. "It's like - come _on._ "_

_"At least try to tell me something _convincing._ "_

_"Same! You can't just, you know, keep making things up like that!" Tony's shoulders shook with laughter, and for a minute he just grinned fondly at GOB until he remembered what his actual point was. "Anyway. I'm like seventy-five percent sure I was trying to con you first. And I've kind of sucked you off by now, so it's not like it matters."_

_"Y-yeah, sure," GOB agreed a little too brightly, because he didn't actually remember who started it himself. "Seventy-five is a good bet."_

_The thing was, they never really stopped touching. As they sat and pieced together bits of truth, and let large chunks of that same truth go ignored, there were always fingers sliding against skin or legs bumping playfully together, kisses to hair or collarbone._

_The closeness was the best part, better than the sex. It was this weird little world where you had nothing to show off about and nothing to prove. You never had to fight to be taken seriously, because you already knew you would be. And that was so hard to believe that when GOB emerged from the bedroom to let the housekeeper in, he went down to take the roofie without even thinking about it, like he was on autopilot. Because he was sure he was remembering it wrong._

_Nothing could possibly feel that good._

They were getting better at this, or at least he thought so, because he was pretty sure Tony had never put fingers into him before. He'd worked two into GOB before he'd touched a spot inside him that was just plain unfair, and GOB had come before Tony could even fuck him. GOB let him anyway, and that was basically the exact opposite of a huge mistake, except that his legs felt kind of weird now and he hoped it wasn't going to show tomorrow when he sat down.

They were drinking wine now, and talking about nonsense, and GOB had almost forgotten that there was an uncomfortable conversation waiting in the wings until Tony tented his hands, pressing them to his lips, and paused.

GOB held his breath.

"What day is it?"

"Uhm." GOB counted quickly in his head. "It's...Monday?" 

Tony nodded, and GOB wasn't sure if that was because it sounded about right, or because he already knew the answer. "Monday the...?"

He froze. "Uhm. May?"

"GOB!"

"Well, you know, I've l-lost track, it's been a very stressful few-"

"Look, do you think I can't count?" 

GOB flinched before he realized Tony didn't seem angry. His teeth were grazing nervously over his lower lip, and when he leaned forward it wasn't to seem assertive, but smaller. He looked like GOB felt when the floor had just dropped out from under him, and he was trying to think of ways to look like he'd just fallen down on purpose.

"You think I can't see the times I've called you on my phone, or how I'm missing pills? Or, I don't know, how I can't remember the last _three nights_? I mean, do I look stupid to you?"

"Well, obviously that depends, I mean -" GOB laughed nervously. "How same do you think we are?"

"Oh you son o-"

"It's a joke! _Joke!_ " GOB protested. "And - what are you saying, that I'm doing this to you? Because I would never _make_ you do anything like that-"

"Of course you wouldn't." Tony sighed, pressing his fingers to his temples. "I just, you know, I thought maybe you'd tell me the truth. And not just pretend nothing was going on."

"Oh." GOB considered this. 'Truth' even _sounded_ like a funny word, like when you said something over and over again until it lost all meaning and you were just making weird noises with your mouth. "Well that hardly seems fair. I mean  
for all you know I'm popping Forget-Me-Nows every night too."

"Are you?"

"Just once." Damn it! "But only because I'm out. I always seem to put off going to get more." He ignored the possible reasons behind that. It was just easier. "Anyway, if you're taking them, I thought you wanted to forget us. Me. Us, I guess us." 

"I thought about that." Tony leaned back and breathed in deep, trying to relax. "And I don't know, probably? And then I wake up, and I'm really kind of...happy? And I keep thinking about you, which doesn't freak me out, or anything, because I'm _very_ gay -"

"But feelings."

"But feelings, right! And yeah, the nights are a blank, but I keep trying to forget you, and I can't!"

If this had been Michael or Buster, just telling a story about something happening to someone else, GOB would have laughed. Instead, the words seemed to play like they were on loop. Someone couldn't forget about him. Not even when they tried.

"So I think okay, maybe it's the feelings. Maybe we're safer just not doing the feelings thing. So I come over tonight to just kind of do a rub and tug and then leave. And you say that thing about taking it slow."

"I swear I don't know why I said that," GOB enthused. "I don't know what got into me."

"Well, I don't know either, because part of me wanted to agree with you."

The confession sat between them, heavy and more than a little scary. And GOB wasn't so in denial that he failed to see the choice in front of him. Maybe they could agree right now to stop the pills and the lying, and just be together to see what happened. Maybe GOB could tell the whole weird story about what happened on Cinco, and Tony wouldn't even be mad, they'd just laugh about it. 

Then he remembered. "Damn it! No, we probably shouldn't do this."

"What? Why not?"

And GOB explained about his family. 

It was just as satisfying as when he'd talked about it the first time. Usually the only people he could complain to were _in_ his family, and they mainly looked like they wanted to be somewhere else. In the back of the mind he could still hear Michael's voice, 'I knew it! I _always_ knew-!' And then of course there were his parents.

"And it's like oh, I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry I don't tell you about my life because you'd just laugh in my face! I'm _so_ sorry I don't understand basic human emotions because I've been stunted by the icy, poisonous claws of your womb! And now you're gonna blame _me_? C'mon!"

"Woah." 

GOB froze, suddenly aware that Tony was staring at him.

"Same! Same, I just - I was just saying that last week!"

"Oh my God! What are the chances?" 

"I know! But -" Tony frowned as he processed this. "So you've got to run this company thing?"

"Or at least pretend to. God, and normally I'd love being in charge, you know?" GOB sighed. "But she's just picking me because Michael isn't around. And if she found out about us, there'd be this huge media scandal and I'd just be the screw-up again."

"And that's why you can't do this?"

"Uhm." And after a moment's consideration, GOB told the truth. "It's about fifty percent why."

To his surprise, Tony didn't ask about the other half. "Hey." His hand was on GOB's arm, squeezing gently. "I'm not going to pretend coming out made things amazing with my family, either. Even if I did get a really, really successful career out of it."

"Not helping."

"Let me finish. So if you wanted to keep it like this for a while, no strings, I'd understand."

"Really?" GOB tried to think of what Tony was getting out of that, and came up with nothing. As far as he could tell, they were the same kind of scared, telling the same kind of lies. They both wanted the sex, and they both needed more than that. And here Tony was, willing to wait for him.

"Yeah, of course. I mean, I'm not going anywhere."

GOB's hand came to rest on top of Tony's. "Uhm. You promise?"

"Sure. Hey, and I have an idea." Tony grabbed for his pants, which had wound up draped over the television somehow. GOB knew what he was looking for even before he produced the little bottle.

"Wait." He frowned. "What's that going to solve?"

"Okay, stay with me here. You know that saying about how if you don't remember anything, you never have to tell the truth?"

GOB squinted, trying to recall. "That doesn't sound exactly right."

"Sure it does, that Mark guy said it. The one with the hair."

"Mark Ruffalo?"

"No, it - never mind. Anyway, so why don't you take it alone this time?" Tony offered a Forget-Me-Now, pressed it into GOB's hand with surprising gentleness. "I'll wait for your call. As far as your family knows, you're having a fling and it ends. As far as you know, we were just fooling around. And lying to each other, a little, but that's normal. And it never has to get weird until you're ready, but when you are, I'll be here."

It was convoluted, screwed up, and based in fear. And it meant that any emotional groundwork they laid, right down to the very conversation they were having, would be scrubbed clean again. Nothing would change for them, nothing would challenge them.

Which sounded about right.

"Okay, but -" GOB bit his lip, and then he said it in a rush so he wouldn't lose his nerve. "But could you stay, tonight? For a little while longer?"

In his more lucid moments, GOB knew he could be a little bit clingy. Creepy, even. But Tony seemed to understand, because he smiled indulgently, and motioned him over. "C'mere. I'll take care of you."

GOB downed the pill quickly before he could change his mind. Then he wound up spooned against Tony on the couch, the other man running fingers through his hair, stroking down his back. They talked about nothing, like it was just another night, and they never really stopped touching.

As GOB started to grow hazy, he spoke up, voice a little frightened. "What if I'm never ready?"

"Mmm?"

"I mean, I won't remember we talked about this, right? So what if I just walk away, and never call?"

Tony shrugged. "Then that's what you do. I mean, I'd get it. Not like I haven't done that before." 

He laced their fingers together and squeezed gently. GOB squeezed back, hanging on to something solid.

"But I don't know," Tony continued. "I think it'll be fine. I trust you."

His brow furrowed. It was getting harder to think, but he wasn't sure he actually knew those words. "Why would you do something stupid like that?"

A pair of lips brushed against his forehead. "You won't screw it up, GOB."

And that was the last thing he heard before he drifted off.

 

GOB woke up to a clean living room, with a vase of trick silk flowers in the center of the table. A blanket was tucked around him, and there was a breakfast laid out for him - just eggs and toast, but it was still warm.

Everything felt comfortable and sleepy, like when you didn't want to get out of bed, and through the haze one thought stayed in his mind. Someone had taken care of him. Someone had made sure he woke up warm, safe, and well-fed, but not suffocated. They'd wanted to do that, and GOB had let them.

And maybe when he fully came to he'd decide he laid the breakfast out himself, or the housekeeper had done it, or he'd just ignore what it meant. But for a moment, anything was possible.

\---

_Good morning, Gohb. You have one new message._

[beep]

"GOB! I simply had to call when I heard the good news. It seems your buttocks have been pricked by Cupid's arrow! What a delight. 

Now, being so hard up for answers, I'm sure you meant to ask me for my consideration as well. So I thought I would offer my services as a theralyst, and maybe give you something meaty to swallow. To begin: the ancient Greek philosophers identified four separate forms of love-"

_Message deleted._

_You have no new messages._


	4. Agape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GOB finds the answer he's looking for in an unexpected place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: GOB Bluth/Tony Wonder  
> Series: Arrested Development  
> Rating: Porn-scented R.  
> Warnings: Season 4 spoilers. Forget-Me-Now references. Bluths. Some ableist language. Arrested Development stuff, basically, with a side of uncharacteristic sap.

The first two weeks or so, GOB was fine. Trying to get the company on track, he was too busy dodging insults from a booze-soaked family matriarch to really think about anything else. Sometimes when he zoned out he heard a musical from the seventies instead of Simon and Garfunkel, but he'd almost forgotten why.

It kept up like that until he visited the Gothic Castle one night to unwind, on a scheduled Gay Magic Night. He missed the signs and went in anyway - accidentally-on-purpose, who could tell anymore? - and two hours later he was backstage, flush against Tony Wonder's dressing room wall, Tony grinding on him through his pants. They sucked each other off, hungry and lonely, but when Tony stood up licking his lips GOB's eyes looked somewhere down and off to the side. He wasn't really sure what to say, wasn't sure why he felt there was something _to_ say, or why the words he settled on were "I'm sorry."

Tony didn't say 'it's okay,' probably because it wasn't, but he did press his lips against GOB's cheek in a way that felt more naked and intimate than the blowjob had. "I'm here whenever," he promised, their fingers brushing together before GOB went for the door.

GOB wasn't sure what that meant, knew it meant _something_ and that he should probably try to forget it. He hadn't gone for more pills in weeks, though, somehow hadn't felt the need to. The days were hazy enough.

 

That's when the dreams started. They weren't a play-by-play repeat every time, but across the days and weeks they were basically the same.

 _He was about to do a show, but he couldn't remember booking it or even rehearsing. He tried to stall the crew so he could at least inspect the equipment, throw together some patter,_ something _. But he always wound up pushed out on the stage, which was so heavy with strobe and smoke he never quite knew where he was._

_It was the kind of dream where you show up to your big stage debut naked, but he wasn't undressed. The chains and leather were hot, baking him under the lights, but the worst part was the headdress - some horribly emasculating thing made of ostrich feathers and half a pound of glitter._

_He struggled to see as heard his own voice over the speakers, booming and melodramatic. "A magician has many secrets. But there's one secret I was forced to keep - by_ society _."_

_He looked up in confusion, recognizing Tony's script, but the show continued on around him. Faceless extras pushed him from point to point on the stage, harsh lighting in his eyes that only allowed him to get a glimpse of the briefcases displaying their names. 'Ego.' 'Pride.' 'Respect.' 'Fear.' 'Alone.'_

_"'You're hopeless,' they said. 'You're a fraud,' they said. 'Who's going to love_ you _?' they said."_

_"Oh, c'mon!" GOB protested, helpless. "They never said that last one!"_

_But they were already shoving him towards the giant closet, or maybe it was a cave. He always realized he was cuffed just as he was shoved inside, barely seeing the extra doing it through the rough treatment. And just before the doors closed, he always saw that it was Tony Wonder, who never glared at him - just shrugged._

_"Sorry, Gobie. It's just business. But hey - we'd just screw it up, right?"_

_Behind Tony, GOB could never tell if the audience was full of Tony Wonder wearing a GOB mask, or GOB wearing a Tony Wonder mask. But he never got much of a chance to look, because then they were locking him in._

_"Well now I'm here - " the voiceover said. And then skipped._

_"I'm here - "_

_"I'm here - "_

_GOB slammed against the locked door, trying to find a compartment, a trick to the latch, anything. And around that time, he always realized the door had been jammed shut._

_He struggled frantically to see it in the dark, and when he could finally see an outline, he froze. It wasn't a cross jamming the door, or the letter W. It was a B._

_"I'm here -"_

_"I'm here - !"_

_"_ I'm here - _!"_

He woke up gasping, clinging to the blankets, and suddenly very aware of how alone he was in the room. It usually took a few minutes of muttering "come on!" to the empty air before he settled enough to go back to bed.

"Way too on the nose," he muttered. "Stupid symbolism..." He drifted back into troubled sleep.

\---

"Why haven't you visited Buster?"

Lucille was reapplying her lipstick, and she asked the question the same way she might ask him why he hadn't picked up more milk. GOB rolled his eyes so hard it made his head ache.

"Because it'll be depressing? And prison freaks me out, Mom, you know that. Don't be so selfish."

Being president wasn't completely horrible. His mom mostly handled everything, everyone was too distracted by Buster to be mad at him, and he could flirt with the secretaries. And even if Lucille seemed to catch on to that last one, since they'd already gone through three and the ones she hired kept getting uglier, sometimes she looked away and he could even sign a few documents without pretending to read them first.

And okay, so maybe he wasn't exactly happy. Maybe he woke up gasping for air sometimes. But you win some, you lose some, right?

_(Hello darkness my old - )_

"- and the press is coming down on us _hard_ , GOB, they're calling us insensitive. For not speaking to a murderer!"

"Mom, c'mon, you don't - You don't seriously think he did it, did you?" GOB tried to laugh, but when he looked up it didn't seem funny.

Lucille's mouth was in a tight line, the edges hard and pinched, and she seemed to look straight past him. "Oh, who knows? You know how confused he gets. Suppose he made some awful mistake?"

"Why don't you go see him? I thought you guys made up or something."

She reached for her prerequisite drink to take a sip, then set it down again in frustration when it proved already empty. "I'm still angry with him. Of all the times for something to..." Lucille shook her head, and then it seemed to explode out of her. "Of _course_ I'm worried about him! I just can't. He'd look weak in there if I showed up, and this isn't just some defrauding the government, GOB, this is _murder_. God, they're probably already eating him alive."

"Prison's not _terrible,_ " GOB lied, because if she looked any more worried he might start feeling an emotion besides 'jealous.' And he really didn't have the energy for that just now. "If you stay away from the gangs and you're really polite, you're fine! I bet he's found a comic book to read or something and he's completely forgotten where he is."

"At least pretend to be a little concerned for one afternoon. That's all I ask."

GOB considered it. "Can I do it because I want to get away from here for five minutes?"

"Honestly. Why do you think I'm sending you?" Lucille scoffed. "You've been unbearable. It's like your mind is completely somewhere else."

\---

"I'm having a love affair with this juice box."

GOB watched Buster sip so hard he practically inhaled the thing, rolling his eyes. "Seriously? I just told Mom you were probably fine to make her feel better. You're not scared of being shanked? Or, y'know, p-passed around? Or something?"

"Oh, I'm terrified. But they pretty much leave me alone. They couldn't figure out if the hand or the hook was less dangerous, so they left the hand, and now everyone knows I have a weapon!" Buster giggled nervously before leaning in, his voice soft and low. "They think I'm a _loose cannon._ " Another conspiratorial giggle.

GOB shuddered. "So, uhm. _Mostly_ okay, then."

"Oh, yeah." Buster waved the wrong hand dismissively, then scoffed in frustration when it got stuck curling and uncurling its fingers. "Ignore that. I mean - I scream at night, and you're the first person to come to visit me, and my cellmate says my life may be a reference to Frankenstein and also something called Ender's Game? You know. Normal stuff."

"Yeah, sounds pretty standard." GOB was only half-listening, trying to figure out if there really was as much sex between guys in prison as the movies always said. Was he supposed to be into that, now? He mainly felt uncomfortable by how normal this all felt, like maybe most families didn't have at least one member in prison at all times. He didn't really have a lot of people he could compare to.

"Did you say Mother was worried about me?" Buster had a look in his eyes like he was trying to make that thought only half of what got him through the day, instead of the only thing.

"She's just pretending not to be. So you don't get, y'know. How you are." Lost cause, was the silent implication.

"Well she doesn't have to worry." Buster straightened up with confidence. " _I_ have _grown up._ I've changed these past few years, brother. I'm a _man_ now." He tried to thump against his chest for emphasis, and GOB instinctively caught his wrist before he used the wrong hand and knocked himself out.

("No touch-"

"No touching, right, sorry!")

"How are you a _man_ , exactly?" GOB asked when the guards finally stopped hovering over them. "What, did you switch from Juicy Juice to Welch's, or -"

"That's a very rude presumption." Buster took a long final sip, sucking noisily from the straw, before setting the empty carton aside. "If you must know, I fell in love."

GOB lifted his eyes to his brother, at once more attentive and tempted to draw further away. "Love, huh?"

He must have mistaken GOB's dull tone for disbelief, because he pressed onward. "It's true! Oh, sure, she started _out_ as my mother figure, but once we sorted that out things were getting pret-ty Hot in Cleveland, if you know what I mean."

"No, I don't." GOB coughed uncomfortably. "Please never explain it to me. So wait, were you sticking it to Lucille 2 again? I mean before she, well, you know."

"Please don't mention her, it's very-"

"Not saying you're guilty of murdering her in a jealous rage, it'd just make a lot of sense."

"Well, I _didn't_ ," Buster snapped, and for once his voice was hard and resolute. GOB's eyebrows rose in an impressed arc. "I'm not a monster! Or if I am, I'm only a little one. And this woman was nothing like Lucille 2. She was sensual, and warm, and giving, and then she sunk her scheming claws into me and destroyed me by breaking my heart."

"Sounds completely different." Something in there was giving GOB a weird pang in his chest, but he wasn't sure what. "So, what, she'd never meant to be with you? She was...faking it, or something?"

"I don't know if she ever really cared." Buster frowned, thoughtful. "But you know something funny, I don't regret it. Not even a little."

"Wait, you don't? So you're -" GOB chuckled nervously, not really sure where this ache in him was coming from. "So you're a _man_ now because you got your heart broken? Because you - y-you..." _Easy, GOB._ "Because someone lied to you about how they felt, and -"

"No!" Buster softened his voice, which had risen in protest. "No. I'm a man because it was love. Because I was all confused and messed up, and I took the chance anyway, I grew up and it was _wonderful._ "

The thing was, GOB would realize later, that even in his prison uniform, even with that weird voice of his all high and quavery, his weird gimp hand and his empty juice box, Buster sounded more sure of himself than GOB had ever felt.

"Wonderful," GOB echoed. And then, "But that's. She lied to you. And she used you, and you should - you should want _revenge_ , you know? Y-you should want to forget - to just take a - and forget - " He felt the floor slowly dropping away from him.

It wasn't just Buster being happy. It was everything. It was the dreams, and the body pressed against him backstage, and it was the blank spaces where two nights should be. It was how he'd tried to run once, and because of stupid judgmental _Michael_ he couldn't, and then he'd run again, but he couldn't remember why, because all he could think about was Tony Wonder's hands on him while they laughed together in the dark.

"And what if someone else hurts you, you know? What if no one could _really_ feel like that, unless they - Sh-should...should the kid...should the kid in the fifty dollar short pants...the kid in the prison uni...should the guy in the - the president of the company in the four...the five thousand...c-c'mon, should-"

"GOB, what is it?"

And for the first time, GOB told someone else about Tony Wonder.

 

Buster was smiling. Not a smirk, or one of those knowing little looks Lucille sometimes gave them, but a genuinely delighted grin.

"I knew it! I _always knew_ you liked him."

"Wait, what? _How?_ " GOB was still trying to get his bearings, catch his breath. The story had come out of him in a flood, all fragmented, memories and feelings unclear. "I mean, you met him like - once."

Buster giggled softly. "The way you looked when he showed up, you were so excited - I've never seen you get that excited about _anyone_."

"That was, you know." GOB squirmed uncomfortably. "Jealousy. Bitter rivalry, you wouldn't understand."

Buster shook his head, firm. "You kept wanting him to look at you."

"I always want people to look at me, Bustie."

"Not like that."

It took a moment, as this thought settled over him. "I just...really like him. I don't know when it happened, I didn't even know what it was for a while. Everything's different when I look at him."

"So what're you doing here, you hot mess?" Buster giggled playfully. "Why aren't you out with him somewhere?"

"It's not that simple!" GOB felt his stomach twist. Not in the hot, fluttery way like when Tony smiled at him just right - like he was in a dark, musty storage locker, not sure if anyone was going to come for him, running through old magic acts in his head to keep his mind from spinning out of control.

"Why not? You both like each other, right?"

"Look, he lied to me." A slow, shaky breath. "And I lied to him, and we were both going to do really bad stuff to each other, okay? And even if that's over, whenever we see each other - whenever I even _remember_ we've seen each other - it's like I blink and it's gone again. So maybe it's safer that way, maybe that's what we both want. Except I don't know if I can do that anymore."

Buster frowned. "So why can't you tell him? What if he wants that too?"

"What if he doesn't? What if he turned me down, what if that's what I forgot?"

"Then you'll remember that this time. It's got to feel better than this." Buster bit his lip, gazing with worry at his brother. "Right?"

GOB considered this. And then the next thought was enough to nearly knock the floor out from under him again.

"What if he says yes?"

Buster's brow wrinkled in confusion.

"What if...he says yes, and Mom and Dad find out? And there's a company scandal or something? What if I'm the disappointment again?"

"Is that really why?" Buster was looking at him so gently that GOB resisted the urge to squirm. "Because you care about what Mother wants?"

"...it's about fifty percent why."

"Oh." He nodded thoughtfully. "What's the other half?"

"What?"

Buster held out his robotic hand. It was still making the gesture - "come on."

He hadn't really said it out loud before. He hadn't even really thought about it. He wasn't good at this stuff, at figuring out why he wanted to escape from things - if it was laziness or fear, angry or hungry or some weird mix of all four.

So he just started talking.

"Let's say I'm fine being gay, or whatever. Let's say Mom and Dad can deal with it, and the company can deal with it, and the magic act...all of that's fine." GOB winced in discomfort, as he looked for the right words.

_("...if you won't open up and let someone else in...")_

"Since when is all of that _fine_?" GOB spat the words, hard and panicked, before he could second-guess them. "Since when does that go fine for me? S-since when does someone look at me if I don't _make_ them look at me? Especially if we fight about dinner, or his act still does better than mine, or I can't shave his stupid legs right. I mean, don't be stupid - there's a reason I didn't get married, there's a reason everything with Marta got all fucked up. No one with half a brain ever _sticks around_ with one person too long. Because what happens then?"

"Then you just love each other." Buster's voice was soft and calm. "Isn't that what you tell people?"

"That's just something I _say,_ Buster. I don't even know if Jesus really said that."

"But _you_ say it. And you should mean it, because...because someday I'll find someone who isn't Mother." He envied the way Buster looked when he said that, how he smiled, not even the littlest bit ashamed. "And you'll find someone who isn't you. And until then we'll have each other."

_("...the treasures you have inside you...")_

"I mean, I'm not a monster, but you aren't one either."

And that's when GOB realized that it actually was possible to love someone, no matter how many mistakes they made. To just keep on loving them, no matter what.

"When did you become such an expert on this crap anyway?"

Buster giggled, and dropped his voice to a stage whisper. "When you're hiding in solitary from the gang wars, you get a lot of time to think."

\---

_Everything was smoky and dark again. The techno beat of the club was pulsing in his ears, and the lights were hard on his face making it tough to see, but at least he knew where he was now. Or he was starting to figure it out._

_"A magician has many secrets. But there's one secret I was forced to keep - by _society._ "_

_He knew the steps now. He knew where the extras would push him and when they would lock him into cuffs. He couldn't make out the briefcases, but when he caught one from the corner of his eye, he thought it might have said 'Love.'_

_"'You're hopeless,' they said. 'You're a fraud,' they said. 'Who's going to love _you_?' they said."_

_He saw the wardrobe open. He felt them push him forward, and he turned back around to face the audience, that sea of faces._

_"Well now I'm here..."_

_He struggled against the cuffs._

_"I'm here -"_

_The doors started to close._

_"I'm here."_

_The surprising thing wasn't how Tony Wonder was standing there, keeping the doors open, looking at him in a way that left GOB's heart in his throat. It was how he wasn't surprised at all. How he'd trusted Tony to be there._

_Tony reached a hand out to bat at the feathers on GOB's ridiculous headdress._

_"You know the thing about ostriches? They're these big mean chickens that can't fly. Can't even get off the ground. But they can run really fast."_

_His teeth flashed in a crooked grin._

_"Want to get out of here?"_

\---

GOB didn't have a lot of experience doing things for other people. He decided to practice.

"Michael!"

"GOB?" Even through the cell phone, GOB could tell his brother was suspicious. "Look, if this is about work, you wanted to be the boss of things and-"

"No-no-no-no, listen." He felt himself beginning to smile for the first time in weeks. "I need your help with something. Don't hang up."

Michael sighed. "I'm listening."

"I suck at numbers, and I don't want Mom to know I'm looking. Between the company and the Sudden Valley houses, what can we actually spare right now?"

"Look." Michael began to lecture, as GOB tried to control his mounting frustration. "We are really not in the position to bankroll some new act you have-"

"Will you just trust me? For _once_?" GOB paused for dramatic effect. "If there isn't enough, we'll raise the rest. But I think Buster deserves a better lawyer than Barry Zuckerkorn."

It felt good to actually talk to his brother again. Not that he was about to tell Michael where he'd been or, God forbid, actually start asking what this problem with George Michael was. And maybe he was just high off Buster's unexpected acceptance, not thinking clearly. But he wondered that maybe just because Michael had always anticipated GOB being into guys, it didn't mean he cared as much as GOB had feared. Maybe he'd even be happy for him.

He still had one more call to make.

 

"Mom? Yeah, it's me. Oh, Buster's fine. Misses you. Think the privacy's doing him some good."

GOB took a deep breath.

"Yeah, just so you know, I won't be heading into the office today. I'm going to Tony Wonder's place to ask him on a date tonight. And then we're probably going to have sex. Because it's been about, I don't know, three weeks since last time? I think I've kept him waiting long enough." He smirked. "Don't wait up."

GOB hung up before she had the chance to answer.

\---

It took a long time to piece through all the lying, and the memory loss, and who really was or wasn't into guys. And it wasn't all okay. There was a lot of 'You did _what_ to your nephew?', a lot of 'You weren't really flirting with me?' 'Well, not at _first._ '

But it was a weird kind of bickering he had never experienced before, the kind where you're hurt but you're also sort of laughing, where the person you're arguing with is still bumping shoulders with you in an attempt to stay close. GOB realized Tony was looking at him in a way he didn't really recognize. And then it took him a minute to understand what he was seeing was respect.

"You're kind of a conniving son of a bitch." It sounded like a compliment.

"Well." GOB coughed uncomfortably. "It's not like it worked. I mean, I didn't know what I was doing."

"Screw whether it worked. You think my thing worked?" Tony rested his hand on top of GOB's, making everything feel all hazy and warm. "Anyway, maybe it did."

"The plan was to -" GOB froze. His jaw dropped a little. "...oh."

"So look, uhm." Tony took a breath. "I figured when you got your head out of your ass and came around, I'd screw you into the couch again. But that feels..."

His laugh was all shaky and nervous, and all GOB could think was that he could do that to someone, make them all flustered. He _wanted_ to do that to someone. To Tony, really - it felt better than anyone else.

"Well, I mean, it feels good," Tony corrected. "But not as good as... Uhm, do you want to just talk?"

He didn't even have to think about it. "I'd love that."

"Same."

GOB wouldn't realize until late that night how the day had flown by. Tony in his lap, their fingers enlaced. Trading illusions and play-threatening to steal the best ones. Swapping horror stories about awful parents, the withholding passive-aggressive kind and the kind that fed a problem and yelled about how Tony's homosexuality was killing both her and Jesus.

He finally gave Tony his DVD back - "It's a fucking terrible show. I know all the words now."

Tony had swiped the mask of GOB's face after that first night together. "I didn't sleep with it or anything weird like that. Half the time, with the roofies, I didn't even remember why I had it. I don't know, is that still creepy?"

"Oh, most definitely. Keep it, though."

It felt _right._ Everything did. And GOB thought, maybe there's a kind of feelings-for-someone where you can't make an escape act out of it, because you keep a piece of them with you. And a piece of you is with them too, even if you didn't mean to leave it there, and they keep it safe.

No matter what you've done. No matter who you are.

It was the kind of thing he'd always thought people just made up, to sound all superior. But maybe not, who knows? The only mistake would be to not find out.

\---

_Good morning, Gohb. You have three new messages._

"It's your mother. GOB, I am furious with you. Why didn't you tell me? This is just the kind of press distraction we need! People love the gays now! Can't get enough of them, especially when they're all mooning around and never actually _doing_ anything. They'll never think I'm trampling their rights again with this. Plus your father owes me five hundred dollars. _Call me back._ I don't care who you're shacking up with, you made a commitment to-"

_Message deleted. Next message._

"Hello, Mr. Gohb Bluth? I'm calling representing Ron Howard at Imagine Entertainment. We just got the green light on your family's movie, and we wanted to enter talks about reinstating your life rights. We need a sympathetic focal character for this picture, Mr. Bluth, a real underdog, and we think you're _it._ Please give us a call back at -"

_Message saved. Next message._

"Hey Gobie, it's me.

So I know you already said you're coming - but after the show they're doing this happy hour thing, and I get discount as the talent, so why don't we meet at the bar after and I'll put you on my tab? And wear that leather thing. I kind of want to show you off.

And after that, uhm - well, we're probably going to be wasted, so I was wondering - heh - if you wanted to stay over tonight? I kicked Sally out - like she's gonna out me when I just dumped her for a guy. And I think we overpaid each other like five times on that sex date, but you can't really have too many of those.

I love y - that. I'd love that. So let me know, okay?

I'll see you there."

THE END


End file.
